Patty Gordon
The Process
Response

Regret is a Process
By Lizzie Parker
Inspiration piece

I started things I shouldn’t have. Things I thought I was supposed to do, even if
or perhaps because they put my love for you before my own comfort and peace.
Washing all your laundry. Cleaning up after you, even your attempts to clean
up after yourself. Ignoring the multiplying and growing piles.
Believing you would see what I see – how I see.
For these errors I take full responsibility.

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There are days when I wish I could turn back the clock. Moments of clarity
when I know I should walk away. When I think it would have been
best if our lives and things had never been intermingled.
And I hadn’t been buried.

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I don’t even have the energy to dig out. It’s easier to just start over from scratch.
I’m not saying I don’t want to hold on to any of it. There are memories here that
I will never let go of and objects that give me some comfort and warmth,
but the majority… It shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t have had to wait until
the end to know what it feels like to breathe in my own home.
But now that he’s gone, I’m ready for all of it to go. I did my part.
I lasted even after I no longer loved.

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