Tracey Riehl and
KJ Hannah Greenberg

Tracey Riehl

By KJ Hannah Greenberg
Inspiration piece

Abby: “Let’s go back.”

Barbara: “Why?”

Abby: “For leftovers.”

Barbara (She holds up a plastic container): “I have mine.”

Abby: “Not me. I’m going back.”

Barbara: “You hate turkey.”

Abby: “I love Gary.”

Barbara: “You’re misguided.”

Abby: “Just hungry.”

Barbara: “You ate half of the tofu turkey.”

Abby: “Gary ate the other half. Besides….”

Barbara: “He thinks you’re irritating.”

Abby: “Said who?”

Barbara: “Gary. To Steve.”

Abby: “… ‘could hook up with Steve.”

Barbara: “Steve’s mine.”

Abby: “Okay. Not Steve. Then who?”

Barbara: “Forget leftovers.”

Abby: “Janice!”

Barbara: “Janice?”

Abby: “Owe her.”

Barbara: “Sleeping with Gary.”

Abby: “Oh. Her?”

Barbara: “Forget Gary. Forget Steve. Forget Janice. Think of tofu turkey. Want me to buy another?”

Abby: “Janice was hitting on Steve.”

Barbara: “What?”

Abby: “Janice was hitting on Steve.”

Barbara: “Not possible.”

Abby: “Look at these pictures.”

Barbara: “When?”

Abby: “You were in the kitchen. Mashed potatoes, I think.”

Barbara: “Sweet.”

Abby: “Not if he was my boyfriend.”

Barbara: “Potatoes.”

Abby: “He’s still coming by?”

Barbara: “After he washes the dishes….oh oh.”

Abby: “Leftovers. Sloppy seconds. Maybe diseased.”

Barbara: “No!” (She opens plastic container and drops contents on Abby.)

Abby: “Disgusting. I told you I’m vegan.”

Barbara: “You’re irritating. That’s why Gary wants Janice.”

Abby (She eyeballs container and confirms it’s empty): “So does Steve.”

Barbara: “I thought he was her cousin.”

Abby: “So?”

Barbara: “I’m going back in.”

Abby: “That’s stupid and its best friend.”

Barbara: “You’ve called me worse” (She tugs at Abby.)

Abby: “Not happening. Besides, if this stuff freezes in my hair, I’m going to have to use your conditioner for a week.”

Barbara: “How ‘bout soap?”

Abby: “Same difference.”

Barbara: “You go. I have to go back in. Steve’s mine. Janice’s an idiot.”

Abby: “Shall I text her and tell her you have claims, but no ring?”

Barbara: “You’re stupid. That gravy looks good on you.”

Abby: “You’re stupid, too. Luckily, I don’t get mad; I get even” (She pushes Barbara.)

Janice: (She walks over to Abby and Barbara): Hi!”

Barbara and Abby: “You?!”

Barbara: “I thought you were washing dishes.”

Abby: “And making a threesome.”

Janice: “Anyone ever tell you you’re irritating? Who would make that threesome, pray tell?”

Barbara: “Steven….”

Abby: “And Gary!”

Janice: “My cousin and his beastie? No. Not even after eggnog and stuffing.”

Barbara: “That was eggnog?”

Abby: “The stuffing had meat in it. How could you?”

Barbara: “Not Steve and Gary?”

Janice: “Notice this ring on my finger? It’s from Frank. December 15th’s the date.”

Abby: “So, why did you come out into the cold?”

Janice: “To tell you fools Steve and Gary wondered where you went. They, on the other hand, had too much nog to be trusted on slippery steps.”

Barbara and Abby: “Steve and Gary??”

Janice: “Drunk, but cute. Girlfriend, you need to wash that hair.”


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One Comment

  1. Posted September 11, 2016 at 9:18 pm | #

    I really love this!

    The response and the piece are both phenomenal.