SPARK

Drew Anderson
Inspiration piece

3rd Annual Berwyn Avenue Pickle Festival
By Tom Burke
Response

My friends!

Do you know what time it is? Can you smell it? I smell it constantly. In my apartment, you can practically shovel it around, like mountain clouds. It’s out on the street. It wafts up the stairs at the Berwyn red line. I felt it by the eggs at Jewel. It’s. Fucking. Everywhere.

The spirit of the 3rd Annual Berwyn Avenue Pickle Festival is alive!

3 DAYS AWAY!
3rd Annual Berwyn Avenue Pickle Festival
Saturday, December 7th
7:00 PM

For those of you who may still be on the fence, please consider joining us! To that end, let me share with you some blurbs from previous pickle festivals and other gatherings to further sway you:

“That dude’s pickle festival punch made me temporarily blind—because of its deliciousness! Plus, he’s so incredibly handsome. I saw several sculptors frantically sketching him as he hopped in and out of the hot tub, which, I mean, obviously.”
-Anonymous, Pyrenees Mountains, 2013

“He throws a good pickle festival, sure, but last time he babysat, I think we were missing a bottle of Knob Creek. Honey, didn’t we have, like, a nearly full bottle of Knob Creek before Tom babysat?”
-Anonymous, Chicago, 2013

“He’s like Mario Andretti driving a pickle. Seriously! Also, he’s so handsome behind the wheel, his hair blowing in the wind, muscular forearms helping to grip the baby seal skin steering wheel. He’s a beautiful man, and he hosts beautiful pickle festivals.”
-Anonymous, Turks and Caicos, 2013

“I once threw up in his sink at a pickle festival, and he was pretty cool about it, except that he cleaned it out with my scarf, which I’d borrowed from my mom.”
-Anonymous, Chicago, 2013

“When he tore off his shirt and started free-styling, I think at least a dozen girls at the pickle festival fainted. Literally fainted.”
-Anonymous, Ibiza, 2013

“I don’t give a shit if you spiral cut it or hide it under a pound of hummus, that pickle festival ham is fucking gross. But his pickles are decent, if you’re, like, dying of hunger, or need something to wash down that punch.”
-Anonymous, Chicago, 2012
Hope to see you there!
XO
Tom

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